on the eve of spring

i am sitting here in the dark,

in a way that feels vaguely self-pitying

but i realize i am still hibernating beneath

this weighted blanket.

i felt the dark descend.

it didn’t surround until eight,

which means summer is close

from here the days are longer

than the nights.

from here, we start to grow again.

i’ve stored sap within my veins,

my body clogged with carbs,

i need to tap this tree and let the

words flow, or drip drip drip

onto the page.

i need to scream.

or just sit here in this silence.

bask in the complete darkness

beyond this screen,

a meditation on emptiness,

while i feel so bloated.

an utter aloneness.

this feels like a treasure

so much more than any curse

i’d offer up.

my cave is cool and quiet,

my heartbeat still strong and steady.

i don’t move to find food

or make tea,

my body has what it needs,

knows what it needs tonight.

tonight, i just sit here, in a lull

of grief and presence.

held by all i’ve feared,

welcomed by the

absence as much as any

coming dawn.